| Jesus Fucking Christ! |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|12:58 pm] |
What the fuck? This thing is still around? I thought I took this down ages ago!
Anyone who's still concerned with keep tabs on me, I've mostly moved to the myspace page at
http://www.myspace.com/admiralmorgan
So if any of you all care...seeya there. |
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| KSU - Likely |
[Oct. 4th, 2004|12:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
So...Kent again soon?
I don't know. Probably.
This Livejournal name again soon?
Probably not.
People on this friends list who really care?
I'd like to think so.
I'd like to think my mind's calmed down...
...I still don't fucking care about alot of shit though. So that's good.
For any of you that really care of just want to say hi (ever how unlikely
is, but it doesn't really fucking matter), it'll be nice to hear from ya
again.
*shrug*
"For just one day
I wanna forget the value of money and gold,
I wanna live life my way
and loose my inhibition threshold"
-- Kai Travid, 4 Just 1 Day |
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| It's a wonderful world... |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|05:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Crying | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Louie Armstrong -- What a Wonderful World | ] |
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"
I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Oh yeah |
|
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| Brain worms...again... |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|03:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tender Lies -- Freezepop | ] |
Okay...
what the fuck...
...the group got too big.
...it started out as a bunch of anime geeks watching cartoons.
...then, it expanded to the table. Everyone brought thier friends.
...it got bigger.
...people started making friends with more people in the group.
...it got bigger.
...people started disliking people in the group.
...it began to splinter.
...the ones that the larger group didn't like were ostracized and chased away. Lied to. Even if the friends had to manipulate eachother to get what -they- wanted.
...now, the group's been trimmed. The 'ugly buds' were cut off. No one -really- wanted to see them back again. The ones who really do lie about it to thier friends, afraid of what they might think.
...why must life allway degenerate to the popular opinion?
"We don't like you. Go away."
I think I'm done with this live journal. Only two, mabey three people actually read it. One of which I talk to daily, making this thing pointless. I know that I'm not anyone who's still in the group's friend anymore. And all this is really anymore is relaying information to the Group. Why relay information to people who don't care?
Life is short.
Fuck the popular opinion.
Listen to your -own- mind.
The path to happiness lays through the dark. But the darkness is inside yourself.
"Just like before..." |
|
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| Jesus Fucking Christ |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|03:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Little Busters - The Pillows | ] |
People.
Since when did listening to your friends substitute for a brain?
You never get what you really want in the end. You get what -they- really want of -you-.
"Mabey kids don't need the masters?" |
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| Big Kalibb Style |
[Aug. 4th, 2004|11:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics | ] |
Yeah well I updated my journal every day with what was happening in my life.
Nothing.
Anyway, I saw Jackie do this...it's kinda dumb, and no one will probably respond, but eh what the fuck.
Fifteen items...three false. No one will probably respond, but what the hell I'm bored and my computer keeps crashing.
1.I used to systematically injure myself every day for all the bad things I did.
2.I have shot all of the standard issue rifles given out by the US army from 1910
to 1990.
3.I hate Pantera.
4.I own a rap CD.
5.I own a complete Ren Faire Outfit.
6.I have a deeply engrossing interest in the 'Black Power' movements in the sixties, linked with my own struggles in my home town.
7.I own a library's worth of books on ancient cultures and mythology.
8.The first thing I ever wanted to do when I grew up was be a trucker.
9.I own a completed shrine to Quanin, Goddess of Good and Right.
10.I own two spice girl's CD's, and a single from "Posh Spice"
11.I envy canadians and wish to live amongst them.
12.I have four AA's in DDR.
13.I'm obsessed with European Culture, past and present.
14.I fashion myself a major Pokemon Fan.
15.I own over $100 in tabletop gaming equipment (not Magic stuff)
"It is now a member of my band." |
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| It's hard to believe we're in Heaven... |
[Jul. 29th, 2004|01:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | True Silence | ] |
Dun dun duh dah,
Dun dun duh dah
Dun dun dun
dun dun dun
dun dun duh duh dah!
....
...Rockman is cool.
Anyway....went to the house my brother is housesitting tonight...we stayed there and played D&D, watched some TV,and played Simpsons Road Rage. Actually not that bad of a game.
On the ride home, I tranced out to some techno. I laid my hands on my lap, and didn't hold on to a single thought. I was so happy I felt like telling everyone why I loved them. Everybody is important...it's sad that pain is needed in this life. I believe the there's only a few laws to the universe...one of which is "The Rule of Opposites".
Everything that exsists comes with its opposite. Love comes with Hate. Color comes with Dimness. Darkness with Light. Happiness with Depression. Pain with Joy. Exsistence with Non-Exsistence. By knowing one, we can know the other quite fully. The path to the Light lays through the Darkness. The Path to Happiness lies down the road of Pain. But no, I don't mean these darkly. We know beauty as beauty because there is ugliness. So can we know happiness! It's those who have been hurt the most that know the most about being happy. They just have to turn around and look. When I turn around and look, I see depression. Darkness. Through release of unnessecary things, I've begun to turn back around to true happiness. However, I will have to turn back around to see the Pain. The second rule is "The Rule of the Cycle". Everything exsists in one circle, much like the seasons, one's life, and the process in which water returns to the sky. We should remind ourselves of dark ideas and thoughts. However, overall, there needs to be a balance. A balance between your good and your bad....or else, you go spiraling out of control and it's difficult to get back again.
This is all philosphy I'm thought of myself...it makes sense. It's funny how the answers allways hide right in front of us :)
Right now, though, I'm worried about Laurel...she has a nasty away message up, and she's not responding to me...I really do hope she's okay.
I love 'The Brilliant Green'...
"Kiyorakana kokoro de buttsubushitai
Yume mo kibou mo suteta jibun no te de
Osoware ita mono nan dattakke sou
Ima wa mou wakaranai shi
Wakaritaku mo nai
Koko kara mata hi wa nobotte
Kono sora ni tsuusetsu ni nanika kanjitemo
Omoide to setsunaku katarau koto ga
Nan no yaku ni tatsu tte yuu no wo yeah
I'm feeling myself again
I'm feeling better now
Taisetsu ni kowashitai oh
I'm feeling myself again
I'm feeling better yeah
Tsumetai hana wo kerichirasu you ni..."
-- Tsumetai Hana (Cold Flower) -- The Brilliant Green |
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| Harder, Faster, Stronger... |
[Jul. 28th, 2004|02:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dj Liquid - Tetris (Techno Mix) | ] |
....more people asking me for CD's...I'm a sucky DJ. At least, I think so. So I guess in a way that's good...but eh. I think I could see myself being a DJ...perhaps after getting a degree in German, I can get get DJ training/whatever and work in germany :-D
...Dreams are beautiful. They make us feel good about ourselves.
...I'd be able to finish this deck and get a bike if it wasn't for bills. Yay. I miss being a student *nod*
I want to make a pin with Captain Jack on it and under it will be a caption that says "Captain's Crew". I'd wear it on my walmart vest. That'd be funny. And I'd wear it on my lanyard at Blockbuster if I land that job. Walmart's great and all, but that whole 'one car' thing really kills my dad...
"Bestrafe Mich..." |
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| What do you mean, Eww? I don't like spam! |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|01:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NiN - Downward Spiral | ] |
Worked school supplies today.
"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."
--Randle Graves
So I'm starting to get my eating habits normal. I actually had breakfast this morning. I haven't done that in about two or three years. Scary. I had spam, spam, and eggs. Hence the reason I titled this after a line in the monty python sketch (because monty python's flying circus fucking rocks)...and NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Yeah.
Energy levels...returning...
Sun...setting...
Moon...Waxing...
Pitslaves...being butchered for thier meat...
...wait, I mean...uhm...*cough*
Da da da dun dah da!
"So much blood for a tiny little hole..." |
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| One More Time... |
[Jul. 26th, 2004|12:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | One More Time -- Daft Punk | ] |
Well, well, well.
Yup. My head's not been so good lately. It's the whole 'lack of nutrients' thing. I'm not really eating. Dunno why. I'm just not really hungry, and there isn't really anything to eat. I know someone said annorexia or something like that, but that's impossible. I'm fat. Fat people aren't annorexic. That's like a rooster laying eggs. or a skillet made of wood. anyway, the reason I'm having trouble thinking, having headaches alot, having trouble focusing, and such are because of my bad eating habits. Well, I wouldn't say bad. Bad would be like a bacon-on-bacon-with-mayo sandwich. This way, I have no where to go but up :-D
...unless I start eating less and less. In which I would have to write up a diet and that's fucking annoying as hell.
-.- apparently I'm still a student for fall 2004 in kent, but not admitted. so I really am -technically- a kent state student. I might go back...if people aren't as pissed at me as I think. Even if, there's other people in kent then the group. I just fell into the group easily. I think I'm gunna switch to a language major anyway, and I'm pretty sure they have German. Ja, sie deutsche ist eine sehr gut einfach (waits for someone to come along and correct his horrible german). I might check out Akron University too, since I'll more than likely be teaching German. They have a good education thing there. |
|
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| Brain Worms |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|02:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Look to the Sky (True Color Mix) - System SF. featuring Anna | ] |
More Brain worms...I've been getting it more and more recently....it's what I call those pauses in thinking. I just have trouble thinking....I don't know why...
...I haven't really been eating alot...all I had for dinner was a couple of taquitos...also had a pack of snack crackers for lunch...
...that was about all I've eaten today...I've drank alot of water though...
My head hurts now, too...
....
"Come with me now, Now we are goin' our way
I want to show you baby, the world you ain't never seen
Nothin' can stop us
So now hold on tight babe
It's so wild out there
But look up and open your eyes
You don't need to be afraid
So stay with me, Baby"
"The world is full of nasty people
who would have you for thier supper
but if you follow me
you can all be free
FREE!
You can laugh,
You can smile,
You can come and play awhile!
If you dream my dream
You can be happy all the time
If you dream my dream
If you dream my dream..."
...yeah...
"If you dream my dream, you can be happy all the time..." |
|
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| I missed some offerings... |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|02:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Birds Chirping... | ] |
...Two nights ago, my mom put out the one for the evening. Ironically that night was shitty.
...I missed yesterday.
I've got three sticks going now, hopefully to make up for it....I need more sticks if I do three a day....I hope she doesn't mind.
....more banks fucking over people I care about. I've got to agree with Mark Twaine here. Banks suck. Like, alot. |
|
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| "...a mixture of shit, piss, horse cum, dirty shit-filtered human cum, and dog cum, all forcefed..." |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|03:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Headache... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Crickets... | ] |
The first time was probably around the begining of May. Mabey a week in.
I tried to think.
Nothing came out.
My head was blank.
It hurt. Like, it literally hurt.
Then I suddenly got the feeling to bang a knife into my head for some reason.
Of course, I didn't.
Since then, these feelings have been growing more and more. My head hurts alot when I try to think. Mainly about people. And I don't know why. I could think about people normally. Then I started to think about things. Like why people hurt themselves intentionally when they see they don't have to. I couldn't think. My head hurt....
..eww...dejavu...*shivers*
...now recently I've been thinking about what I want. And my head is freezing up again. What I want right now, I won't ever have. Not in a billion years. Because of the type of person I am. I won't ever have it, no matter how I tried....it's just too different....
...owww....my head.... |
|
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| I think it's time to blow this scene... |
[Jul. 21st, 2004|03:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tank! - The Seatbelts | ] |
Dah dun dun dah dun dun dah dun dun dah dun dah dun
dah dah dah dah dahh dunnn
dah dah dah dah dahh dunnn
dah dah dah dah dahh dunnn
dah dah dah dah dahh dunnn
.....
Okay. Anyways. I'm almost done with the WW Equip Deck. And no pussy deck, because Auriok Steelshapers are dudes. Unless I infer they're gay. Hell, they're buff like gay men. I guess that counts?
"Her heart's a bloodstained egg we didn't handle with care. It's broken and bleeding, that we can never repair."
Coma Black is a good song. So is Crash. And Sweet Dreams (Eurthmics version...Manson's version gives it a completely different feel it's like a completely different song), Jump Around, Love You, Sakura Saku....*goes down his playlist*
Finally heart a flogging molly song. I was like "Holy shit this was them?" I had heard them a long time ago, never knowing it was them....I plan on buying a CD. Marcus has a good playlist in his store...as well with a beautiful selection of singles which he keeps up in his case to be type two most of the time.Also found some people online who play at Ground Zero...I guess they're pretty popular for good, good players. Which is awesome. It's allways good to learn from those leaps and bounds ahead of you. Which is part of why I'm so semi-decent at DDR today (thanks to J).
It's funny how Paul and Mike call me an 'expert'.....I've seen fucking like what's-his-name Trance and crap. That's a good way to humble yourself real quick. Just like go to a DDR tourny.
Leonin Squires out for Denguards....while the denguards are only 1/3, I don't have enough 1 cost or less artifacts maindecked. While the Squires are good recoursion, and also 2/2 for the same price of den-guard, I can still sneak first strike on to the denguards with the lightning greaves I believe. I dunno. I'm tired.
And ah ha! Alluren doesn't work like that stoner fuck thought it did! Well it does, but brainfreeze doesn't get a storm bonus from spells played via alluren! Because those spells are using card text to come down, -not- being casted! Ah-ha! So the best way for that brain freeze deck would be to use affinity. You're still technically casting with affinity. It'd be like casting Ornithopers, basically. Yeah, that makes sense....*searches for copies of brainfreeze in his collection* |
|
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| I'm a Cucumber. |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|01:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | One More Time - Daft Punk | ] |
w00t.
new furniture. My room is all oaky fantastic. I'm getting a futon and throwing out my bed soon. That way I'll have even more room, and it will feel like less of a cave than it was before.
*booming voice* Yellow Kaigorn needs change badly!
I finally finished my shrine to Kwanon...I think she's happy with me...because I feel the best I ever have. Despite NiN's "Hurt" lyrics keeping coming back to me. But then people poke through just enough to push them away again. Now that I'm much more level headed, I think I'll give ashley a call later if she's not drunk. Something she promised to herself she'd never do a second time. That's okay, lies seem to be a big thing going for her right now. It's okay, she was 'saved' from me, an evil big bad demon who munches on human souls for breakfast. And eats babies. Can't forget the eating of babies.
My parents won't let me go to PIC >.< too much money they say. So I'll probably just go to a cooking school around here. Then, freedom from Ohio, and hopefully America. I'd be able to make enough money and work on my magic skills...hopefully becoming a tourny-level player. Right now I have every right to dream about that. I don't really have a social life right now lol...w00t WW Equip! With sideboarded purges to deal (hopefully) with Ravager, and enough speed to get my creature's together. I noticed the big trend with chicks and cats, so I wanted to call it a Pussy deck, but I don't think that's exactly alloud in DCI sanctioned tournies.
In the mean time, I'm here alone.
...if scott fucks with laurel, he'll never have to worry about living again...
"Please don't take me to the pickle farm!" |
|
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| Well Well Well... |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|09:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Another Town" -- Strongbad | ] |
Hmmm...as it would seem, I am no longer part of the group. Oh well. I'd rather not hang out with people who refuse to listen to my sides of stories and give out a really really bad "We don't want you here" when I try to visit them. Oh well.
Also, since Ashley broke up with me, it's gunna make me look like an ass. So not only did I loose a couple really good friends, but I was played as well. w00t.
Went and saw laurel today. Paul was a major asshole...I'm not in the mood to spend more time with him now. He was a total ass. So fuck him.
Started playing DDR at swings and things. Best pad I've ever been on. Not to mention they run join premium.
My parents think I'm depressed since I've not really been doing anything. Because...
1.I'm in a routine
2.I'm not going out and doing alot (Huh? DDR at Swings and things? Never!)
3.I'm loosing interest in some of the things I normally do (haven't watched anime in god knows how long, not playing video games)
...However, there's another completely reasonable explanation for this. It's called being tired and busy. Heaven forbid!
Laurel is having problems with Scott...I'm worried about her.
"I'm acting like everything is okay, so it's okay."
No! That's not how it works. Acting is what gets you in trouble in the first place.
Blah...I want count chocula...
"From here, let the world be reborn" |
|
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| Hmmm.... |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|05:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Omelette - Dragon Half | ] |
....yeah. Changed my mind. Won't be going back t kent. If things work out correctly, I'll be in pensylvania working on culinary. Now I don't know how many of your are happy that I'm not going to be coming back (allthough I'd like to think that you'll all miss me), but I'm tired. So I'll cook, and hopefully get a job abroad in England or Germany or some place as such. No more ohio for Kaigorn. Hopefully if it goes as planned, no more america. One step closer to my determination *nod*
I'm out of columbia...then I got out of Berea...next is Ohio, the the United States. But blah, they're my plans. It's what I want to do. So I'm going to do it. |
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| Brain Worms of DOOM! |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|01:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | It's all about the Pentiums - Wierd Al | ] |
...Okay.
...I think I'm ready.
I've been thinking on this for awhile. And now I think it's time to display my theory.
My Happiness Theory, and why people aren't.
The Reality
What is reality? There's so many deffinitions, but none of the ones I've seen seem right. "I think, therefore I am". That sounds like a lie. A tree doesn't think, but it's there, and it's real. However, we can't just limit reality to the physical realm. Spirits ('ghosts', 'wraiths'), seem to appear to several people. I've seen some rather strange happens without use of wire or electronics. However, that's further tied in with Emotions and Reality.
Emotions and Reality are linked. If a young German bricklayer lost his job to a Turkish worker (as happens sometimes), he would begin to feel anger. This anger would show to other Bricklayers, and some bricklayers may agree to an event. Through Anger, Reality has been altered to make the Turks into job stealers. Other emotions, such as intense sadness (depression), alters reality. A good example is myself. Through the first semester and all of highschool, I convinced myself that I would never have a girlfriend who was attracted to me through any means other than showing something off. I showed off my kindness. Also something I refer to as my "oh my god please look at me" stage. However, I got tired of this, and choose to look at a different aspect. The simple things. How the sky is blue, and all the trees are green. Then, I noticed despite the reality I had made for myself out of depression and anger, the world was beautiful. Even through my sadness, the birds did not stop chirping thier wonderful tones, and the bees did not stop buzzing. Flowers bloomed yet, and the sun was warm.
My reality had changed. Impermenence took key. I realized that all things end.
To end this part, I can sum it up in one word. "The world is what you make it."
...do you feel lonely, deprived, and lost? Then you are.
...do you feel estactic, happy, and filled? Then you are.
Accept what you wish, move past that you don't. The second step of happiness, the second noble truth (I believe). |
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xxkaigornxx's journal
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